She said her name was "party"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
