The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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