have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
