apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
