just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
