who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
