I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
