I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
this is an emotional support booty call
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
