You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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