If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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