It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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