And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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