Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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