I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
