He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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