you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
