I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
