I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
