I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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