Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
