my vag is so smooth its legendary
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
