there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
