dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
