but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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