someone threw a dead crab at me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
