im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
