pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
