my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
