I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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