Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
