my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
