What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
