I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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