It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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