when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
