dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
