So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
