i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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