I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
