Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
