life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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