The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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