those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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