Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
3 2 1 whiskey
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We need to get me chipped asap
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize