Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
