If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
