actually, I'm a sock model
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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