I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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