I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I need to sanitize my soul.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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