This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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