his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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