Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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