Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
