i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
