my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
