Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize