my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
