Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Farmville is her only friend.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
