Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
