The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
