I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
