now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize