i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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