so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
