not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
