I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
