Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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