I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
