we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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