Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
