"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize