my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
