I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
