Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
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