Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
