Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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