Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
