Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
