I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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