Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
