I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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