i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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