I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Randomize
