Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
