The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
