my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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