absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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