I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
