halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
