I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
