I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just want to make out with him forever
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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