When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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