Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
