# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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