Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
