Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize